I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
