no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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