Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
