i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize