Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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