How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
