They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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