I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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