Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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