i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
whose parrot is this?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
