I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
