good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
