For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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