i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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