Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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