erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
