Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
