btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
