I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
