We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yo dont text me then not text me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
