I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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