I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
