Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
