i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my liver is dry heaving
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
