I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize