She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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