our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's rum buckets o'clock
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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