I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
