SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
