The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found your dick twin last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
