She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
