He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
