Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
