O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
