There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
