Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
