You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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