My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize