Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
