i permit you to call me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
