we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
