We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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