He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
