meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
