how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
