we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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