my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you would pick up someone in the library
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
