How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
