He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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