Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
