i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
