Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
