Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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