i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
