okay pat passed out under dana's car
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
