i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
