Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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