my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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