my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize