But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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