just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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