I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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