The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
