I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
honey bunches of taint.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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