is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize