Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
