You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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