Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize