Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
