I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
