Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
