I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
