I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
