I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
