I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
