I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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