Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You don't make any sense
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