i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
