I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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