I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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