I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
