there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize